Fang Girl by Helen Keeble - September 11th 2012 / HarperTeen
Extract from FANG GIRL by Helen Keeble
āFor breakfast,ā Zack said. āThatās why I named her Toast. You arenāt going to eat her, are you?ā
Things That Are Destroying Jane Greeneās Undead Social Life Before It Can Even Begin:
1) A twelve-year-old brother whoās convinced sheās a zombie.
2) Parents who are begging her to turn them into vampires.
3) The pet goldfish she accidentally turns instead.
4) Weird superpowers that let her rip the heads off of every other vampire she meets.(Sounds cool, but it doesnāt win you many friends.)
5) A pyschotic vampire creator whoās using her to carry out a plan for world domination.
And finally:
6) A seriously ripped vampire hunter who either wants to stake her or make out with her. Not sure which.
Being an undead, eternally pasty fifteen-year-old isnāt quite the sexy, brooding, angst-fest Jane always imagined....
Helen Keebleās riotous debut novel combines the humor of Vladimir Tod with Ally Carterās spot-on teen voice. With a one-of-a-kind vampire mythology and an irresistibly relatable undead heroine, this uproarious page-turner will leave readers bloodthirsty for more.
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Extract from FANG GIRL by Helen Keeble
In which Our Heroine, Xanthe Jane Greene (unexpectedly undead vampire fangirl) wakes up back homeā¦
I woke up in pitch blackness, lying on my back and utterly convinced that I was still six feet underground in my coffin and had hallucinated the entire previous night due to oxygen deprivation.
āAaaaaaaaaugh!ā
I flailed for a moment before my brain kicked in with three simple observations: first, I was wrapped in a fluffy fleece blanket that certainly had not been included in my grave goods; second, Iād just sat up, which I wouldnāt have been able to do in a coffin; and finally, the air reeked of hay.
The first two let me deduce that I was not, in fact, buried alive. The third made my brain stall.
A knock came from the other side of theādoor? wall?āto my left. āJanie?ā Zack called. āAre you alive again?ā
āYeah.ā I struggled out of the clinging blanket, banging my elbows against the walls on each side in the process. Something light and metallic clinked against the top of my head when I tried to stand up, making me duck again. I reached up and foundācoat hangers? āYou guys put me in a closet?ā
āWell, itās not like we have a convenient crypt, you know. It was the only place we could think of where you would be totally out of the sun.ā He paused. āUm, by the way, you havenāt gone insane with bloodlust, have you?ā
āUh . . .ā Actually, I was feeling rather light-headed. My stomach was one big, growling void. āGive me a minute here, okay?ā I closed my eyes, trying to make the hunger go away. It was only a signal from my body, thatās all. . . . I could tune it out.
Warmth spread outward from my chest and down into my stomach. The cramping ebbed away. I opened my eyes. āIām fine now.ā I pushed at the closet door; it flexed, but didnāt open. āHey, whatās up with this?ā
āOh, we duct-taped you in,ā Zack said cheerfully. āTo make sure all the light was blocked out. Hang on.ā
Something sneezed on my foot.
āThereāssomethingaliveinhere,ā I observed with all possible calm and flung myself forward shoulder-first with full vampiric strength. Plywood burst under the impact, sending me sprawling onto the horrible floral-patterned carpet in my parentsā bedroom.
āYes,ā said Zack. He was wearing pajamas, with a long strip of tape stuck to one leg. āThat would be toast.ā
āToast,ā I repeated. āSneezing toast.ā
āNot toast, Toast!ā He ducked into the closet, and reemerged clutching a large, wire cage. āI named her myself. Isnāt she the greatest?ā
I got to my feet, gathering up the shredded remains of my dignity, and peered through the bars. A fuzzy brown-and-white ball of fur looked back at me with round, black eyes. Its pink velvet ears quivered. āItās a guinea pig,ā I concluded in the face of the evidence before me. Well, that explained why the closet had smelled of hay. āZack, why is it a guinea pig?ā
āDad got her for you.ā Zack gazed fondly down at the little fluffball. āI guess if you arenāt going to eat her, I can keep her!ā
I rubbed at my forehead. It was way too early in the night for this conversation, and the terrible clashing colors of the room decor were giving me a migraine. āDad got me a . . . guinea pig?ā
I woke up in pitch blackness, lying on my back and utterly convinced that I was still six feet underground in my coffin and had hallucinated the entire previous night due to oxygen deprivation.
āAaaaaaaaaugh!ā
I flailed for a moment before my brain kicked in with three simple observations: first, I was wrapped in a fluffy fleece blanket that certainly had not been included in my grave goods; second, Iād just sat up, which I wouldnāt have been able to do in a coffin; and finally, the air reeked of hay.
The first two let me deduce that I was not, in fact, buried alive. The third made my brain stall.
A knock came from the other side of theādoor? wall?āto my left. āJanie?ā Zack called. āAre you alive again?ā
āYeah.ā I struggled out of the clinging blanket, banging my elbows against the walls on each side in the process. Something light and metallic clinked against the top of my head when I tried to stand up, making me duck again. I reached up and foundācoat hangers? āYou guys put me in a closet?ā
āWell, itās not like we have a convenient crypt, you know. It was the only place we could think of where you would be totally out of the sun.ā He paused. āUm, by the way, you havenāt gone insane with bloodlust, have you?ā
āUh . . .ā Actually, I was feeling rather light-headed. My stomach was one big, growling void. āGive me a minute here, okay?ā I closed my eyes, trying to make the hunger go away. It was only a signal from my body, thatās all. . . . I could tune it out.
Warmth spread outward from my chest and down into my stomach. The cramping ebbed away. I opened my eyes. āIām fine now.ā I pushed at the closet door; it flexed, but didnāt open. āHey, whatās up with this?ā
āOh, we duct-taped you in,ā Zack said cheerfully. āTo make sure all the light was blocked out. Hang on.ā
Something sneezed on my foot.
āThereāssomethingaliveinhere,ā I observed with all possible calm and flung myself forward shoulder-first with full vampiric strength. Plywood burst under the impact, sending me sprawling onto the horrible floral-patterned carpet in my parentsā bedroom.
āYes,ā said Zack. He was wearing pajamas, with a long strip of tape stuck to one leg. āThat would be toast.ā
āToast,ā I repeated. āSneezing toast.ā
āNot toast, Toast!ā He ducked into the closet, and reemerged clutching a large, wire cage. āI named her myself. Isnāt she the greatest?ā
I got to my feet, gathering up the shredded remains of my dignity, and peered through the bars. A fuzzy brown-and-white ball of fur looked back at me with round, black eyes. Its pink velvet ears quivered. āItās a guinea pig,ā I concluded in the face of the evidence before me. Well, that explained why the closet had smelled of hay. āZack, why is it a guinea pig?ā
āDad got her for you.ā Zack gazed fondly down at the little fluffball. āI guess if you arenāt going to eat her, I can keep her!ā
I rubbed at my forehead. It was way too early in the night for this conversation, and the terrible clashing colors of the room decor were giving me a migraine. āDad got me a . . . guinea pig?ā
āFor breakfast,ā Zack said. āThatās why I named her Toast. You arenāt going to eat her, are you?ā
āNo!ā
āWoot!ā Zack hugged the cage to his chest, carrying it off in the direction of his bedroom. āI hope you donāt want to eat Marmalade or Sugar Puff either!ā
āWoot!ā Zack hugged the cage to his chest, carrying it off in the direction of his bedroom. āI hope you donāt want to eat Marmalade or Sugar Puff either!ā
Giveaway (INTERNATIONAL!)
The prize pack includes:
- one signed copy of Fang Girl (can be personalised)
- a voucher for an ARC of Helen's next book NO ANGEL as soon as they are available (likely to be Spring/Summer 2013)
- a cheerful vampire goldfish paperclip
- Fang Girl stickers featuring the cover and quotes from the book
a Rafflecopter giveaway
- a voucher for an ARC of Helen's next book NO ANGEL as soon as they are available (likely to be Spring/Summer 2013)
- a cheerful vampire goldfish paperclip
- Fang Girl stickers featuring the cover and quotes from the book
this sounds amazing, havent heard about this before,, im adding this up! thank you for sharing Rachel x
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